Getting into IIM Calcutta was an unrealistic dream for me, specially, after my cellphone rang twice during the interview prior to IIM C - that of IIT Bombay.The IIT Bombay panel had pretty much conveyed the message to me that I wasnt fit enough to do anything useful in life.That actually reinstated my belief that I was fit enough to do an MBA.
For IIM Calcutta, I had made a huge list of topics that I had to read.But I cut down the list from about 100 bullet points to an efficient 2 when I read in Pagalguy that they didnt ask a lot of technical questions.
12th of March-2009.The most important day of my life.Hotel Monarch Luxur,Bangalore.
I got a lot of confidence from 2 things which worked in my favour as I waited for my GD.
First,out of 10 people in my panel,I knew 5 through IMS,CL or maybe some random encounter at one of the previous interviews.It enhanced my comfort zone to unprecedented levels.
Second,the topic in the morning had been an abstract one - 'Life is a chair' or something.I absolutely love participating in abstract GDs coz they give you the freedom to misinterpret,misunderstand and misquote - something my friends say I excel at. But then Lady Luck had other ideas for me.
2 male professors made up the panel.1 minute to think.15 minutes to discuss.
The topic - 'Global Warming is a hoax'.For starters,it aint an abstract GD.You are expected to know about global warming. The first thought when the topic was read out was - 'It was the 7th bullet point in the list... wasnt it Apurva'.
Factually,there was only 1 thing that I vaguely knew about Global Warming - I had read somewhere that the average temperature of the earth had risen by only 0.5 degree in the last century.Other than that I knew that glaciers were melting at random places,cyclones and hurricanes were caused due to pressure and temperature imbalances(!!!),certain dopes had used CFCs as refrigerants (remember IIM Indore!!!) which somehow deteriorated a certain ozone layer,the chemical formula for ozone is O3 and not O2 due to some reason,somebody along with Al Gore had done something about it and bagged the NObel Prize for it, and that temperatures in Bangalore were comparatively higher than last year.Not to mention that dodos had vanished during the ice age.
I knew that with that amount of knowledge,I needed to do something else to strike an impression.Maybe start.
So I decided to start the GD.But heck!There was a smart chap who I knew was excellent at starting GDs and managed to do that without fail in almost all the practice GDs that we had in CL.So inspite of all my dogged determination to start,he beat me to the buzzer(comfortably).
And unsurprisingly,I realized that people knew more about global warming than I knew.
Somehow I put in the statistic somewhere that temperatures had risen by only 0.5 deg in one century.But then people went on to show that they had studied the entire physics,Chemistry and Biology behind it and I was certain that atleast 9 others in the group(there were 10 including me) had read Al Gore's book on Global Warming or atleast researched as much as him if not more.I heard terms like water cycle,ocean physics,Kyoto Protocol etc during the course
of the GD.Out of the fear of getting embarrassed for lack of knowledge,I somehow managed to convey my sentiments by asking the people to consider the topic in its entirety and not jump to 'foregone conclusions' (a pretty useful phrase when you dont know much) about the causes when we were not even sure whether it was a hoax or a reality.My 3rd and last contribution to the GD was urging the group to talk about maybe the role of media in exaggerating stuff.
Then all of us were asked to conclude in a randomly selected order.I was chosen last.I started saying that 'Only yesterday while walking with my friends in Bangalore when somebody said that it was very hot,another friend exclaimed - Global Warming.'I went on to talk about how Global Warming might have become an everyday word and might have lost its essence to perception.Reminder - this wasnt an abstract GD.Also talked something about Companies going green.
For people wondering how I got selected in IIM Calcutta, the GD carries 10 marks out of 100.But then people say that if you dont make an impression during the GD, you are doomed.At the cost of sounding preposterous, I will conveniently assume that I did make an impression.
If Iam not wrong, I was 5th to be called.There were 3 people in the panel now.A 3rd guy about 65 had joined the other 2.Believe me,I had never seen so obvious looking professors/faculty in NIT Jamshedpur.But yes I had seen profs munching paan, uttering their frustration in relatively simple terms like 'bhup' or 'dhut',or maybe candidly sharing their sexual incapabilties and frustrations with us(trust me).
Anyway.
Here is what happened.
Panel - So Apurva Agarwal. Tell us where you completed your education from.
Me - Told them (10th from Dhanbad, 12th from Nagpur, Engg from Jamshedpur)
Panel - So you currently stay at?
Me - Sir working in Hyderabad , stay at Nagpur
Panel - What is the language you use a home?
Me - Sir basically we talk in Hindi and English. But my parents speak to each other mostly in Marwari.
[An uncomfortable silence for a couple of seconds]
Sir I can understand Marwari but Iam not very fluent while talking[I actually cannot talk at all]
[Another uncomfortable mum. I dunno why the panel was suddenly quiet]
And Sir I can also give my introduction in Bengali and Marathi.
Panel - Only introduction?
Me - Sir in College I had a bengali roommate[Debu Dada, Kindu Ba@a kaimon aacheesh] . So the Bengali influence. And also during the ragging period in our college, we were supposed to memorise our introductions in the language of the state we came from... Marathi in my case.
Panel - Something very fast in Marathi[How on earth do these guys knw everything]
...I couldnt get it. He repeated it slowly . Tujha Naav kaay (What is your name)
Me - Sir maajha naav Apurva Agarwal aahe.
Panel - Kuthun aala tu?(Where have you come from)
Me - Mee Nagpur Maharashtra yethun aalo aahe.
At this 2 of the panel members started laughing. One of them said - Atleast your grammar is good[if not accent]
Me - Sir, actually I just know the introduction.Nothing more.
My friends who knew Marathi later told me that what I had answered for the 2nd question was a very colloquialish dialect.
Actually if there would have been a third Marathi question, I would have been floored. These were the only 2 questions seniors used to ask in College. The third used to be an ice breaker [Read:abuse,slap :):)]
Panel - So you had ragging in your college?
Me - [Thoughts : And much more] Yes Sir.
Panel - So what do you do in your spare time?
Me - Sir I watch and play Soccer, I write articles, mostly sports articles and I also play the Guitar.
Panel - How did you learn to play the Guitar?
Me - Sir I learnt it from a friend of mine who used to stay next door to my Hostel Room [Aneeeeee].
Panel - Which guitar do you play?
Me - The normal acoustic guitar.
Panel - What is the difference between a Hawaain guitar and a Mexican guitar?
Me - Sir a hawaain guitar is kept horizontally and played. It is mostly used for classical music and a guide bar is used to play it. A Mexican guitar is
used for normal chords and western music.
Panel - So Apurva you have been working in TCS?
Me - Yes Sir...for the last 2 years.
Panel - You must have written CAT before?
Me - Yes Sir I have written it thrice before.
Panel - What happened earlier?
Me - Sir the first time in college final year I had 98.52 percentile but I had missed by a whisker in Quants. So I didnt get a call. The 2nd time I hadnt prepared much because I was in the middle of my training in TCs. But I still managed a decent 98.15 percentile. And the last time I got
97 percentile.
Panel - [A nod of appreciation] With these kind of marks you could have got any college other than an IIM...so??
Me - Sir, the class of an IIM is incomparable to any other college. I had seen people getting calls at the percentiles that I had been getting. I knew I just had to give in that extra bit and I would make through because I had always missed by a very close margin in just 1 section. So I just worked a shade harder every year and kept on identifying my problem areas and tried to improve on them.
Panel - So you have not applied to any other college this year? Only IIMs?What all calls do you have?
Me - No Sir I have applied to other colleges as well. This time I have calls from XLRI, IIMs C,L,I and K, FMS, IIT Bombay, MDI Gurgaon,IIFT and S.P.Jain.
Panel - [A confused look] So will you join any other institute if you dont get through an IIM?
Me - Yes Sir I will.[At this the panel gave me a surprised and disdainful look]. SIr actually I had been applying to these colleges as well in the last 3 years. But as I told you that I had been missing in only 1 section, I had not got calls from any of these earlier [forgot to mention abt XLRI in my 1st attempt]. Moreover most of them are not through CAT. Sir the IIMs are a class apart. But I guess somewhere you have to keep your options open and draw your line.
Having deliberated over all these factors, I have felt that after 2 years of work ex, Iam at the ideal stage for doing an MBA. So I had to be a bit flexible in including the other top colleges other than IIMs if that be the case.
Panel - So what is it that you look for in an IIM?
Me - Basically the faculty, the infrastructure and the placement.
Panel - Can you rate them?
Me - [He actually meant the IIMs] Sir for me the most important is the faculty of the college [ And I come from NIT Jamshedpur. Lolz ] .Then the placements and
finally the infrastructure.
Panel - No...CAn you rate all the IIMs according to the above 3?
Me - Sir it may not be a very informed opinion because it would be based on whatever I have heard from my friends studying there and maybe magazines etc.
Panel - Yeah yeah..we understand.Go ahead.
Me - Sir Infrasturucture wise, I guess IIMs Ahmedabad and Kozhikode are the best. Faculty wise IIM Calcutta is the most renowned. It has about 75 eminent faculty members [Trivia:The entire computer Science branch in NIT Jamshedpur has 4].And placement wise also IIM Calcutta has been the best for the last 2 years[even better than Ahmedabad].
Panel - Atleast you are being honest.
Me - [Thoughts: wow]
Panel - So what else do you do?
Me - [arey...] Sir I have been the part of the TCS football team which won the Inter Corporate Soccer tournament. I was also a part of the college soccer team. I absolutely love football. I also watch a lot of European Soccer.
Panel - If you love football so much than you should come to IIM Calcutta.
Me - [Well well. SOunds good]
Panel - [This guy had been quite for a long time].If you love sports so much,can you tell us the venues for the last 5 Olympic games.
Me - [When did I say Olympics...Shit Shit!!! Just try Apurva you should know this.] Sir the last one was at Bejing China.[After a long pause]. Befor that it
was at Greece.
Panel - Name the city.
Me - Sir Athens in Greece.[I was not able to recollect 2000. After about 10 seconds ] . Sir I remember 92 was Barcelona and 96 was Atlanta. I cannot recollect 2000 at the moment.
Panel - Ok...Where is the next Olympics.
Me - [I would have answered this 9 out of 10 times. This was unfortunately the 10th time] I dont remember Sir [after a lot of thought]
Panel - Ok Apurva. Thanks.
Me - Thankyou Sir.
Even though it didnt end in a great fashion, I somehow felt good after the inteview. Maybe it was relief. Or maybe the fact that this one was after 2 disasters at IIM Indore and IIT Bombay.Whatever. I came outside and started walking towards the nearest mall. For some reason, I was smiling throughout. Bangalore felt much more cooler than normal. Despite Global Warming.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
IIM Indore Interview experience
Life doesnt often offer you a second chance.And for the unfortunate lot,sometimes not even one.
I realised the latter when during my IIM Indore interview, I was torn apart,mutilated and made to curse the fact that I had
so much fun in college. Could have done with a little bit of studies or common sense as the panel often preferred to quote.
To start with I had a decent case study.The case was about 1 page on an A4 size paper.It was a long and boring story
about a village dude who started a business without any work experience and then got screwed due to various factors.
His family was a peculiar one with most of the names having a prefix Ram (with due respect). They epitomised collective
failure.I started the discussion and put in a few points here and there. For a change,this one was the most decent
of GDs I have ever attended(and I have attended a decent number;ppl wud knw :):)) in the sense that everyone got a
chance to speak.Nobody was ridiculed or cut short. Not even the guy who suggested that one of the long term solutions
for the farmer dude would be to produce hydroelectricity in the village using the nearby river water.I mean come on...give
the guy a break...he is already down with debts.We shouldnt be making fun of him.Anyway the GD was for about an hour
including the writing part.
I was called 4th by the interview panel.The 3 people before me were not asked a single academic question(remember the
stuff about the unfortunate lot).
I knocked and entered.Here is how it went.
Me: Sir,May I come in ?
Panel: Come in Apurva.Please close the door behind you.
Me:Yes Sir (closed the door very softly and entered.There were 2 people.One bald,tall and athletic.The second one
was more of the prof types).Goodmorning Sir(to each).
Panel:Goodmorning Apurva.Have a seat.
Me:Thankyou Sir.
Panel:So whats been happening?
Me:[Thoughts:What about the normal:Temme sthng abt urself stuff].Sir,we all have been actually waiting outside eagerly for our interviews.
Panel:(smiles):Oh yeah,so how is it outside?
Me:[Thoughts:So u really think we have been waiting!!!].Sir,as soon as somebody comes out of the interview,we ask him about his experience and the
questions that he was asked.
Panel:[laughs]:So what was the feedback till now?
Me:[smile]:Sir everyone feels that the panel is cool and they had a good time[as if!!!]
Panel:[laughs again]: So you want us to be hot now??
Me:[join the humour.Give a sheepish laugh]:Sir I would prefer you to be cool[all smiles]
Panel:So you are from NIT Jamshedpur.
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:Was it an NIT when you entered or REC?
Me:told him about the funda of RIT,REC and NIT...the older prof didnt get the concept.I explained properly.Infact the bald guy had to help out to
explain the older guy[plz note my bias against the old guy.It is justified as you wud come to knw towards the end of the experience].
Panel:Apurva you have used some business jargon in your form.Do you have some business connection?
Me:[I swear to God I dont know even an iota of business.And I had used none in the form which I had filled only on the night before.Maybe some jargon
in the case study].No Sir.
Panel:Business connection doesnt mean that you own a business.
Me:Yes Sir i understand.I have been with TCS for the last 2 and a half years and I have written a few documents like SRS[one thing that my college taught
me-hawa].I might have picked up the language from there.
Panel:So Apurva you have mentioned in the form that you would like to take up writing sports articles as an alternative career.
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:Can you name the sports magazine by Hindu publishers.
Me:[after some thought]:I dont know Sir.
Panel:Can you name a few sports magazines?
Me: named atleast 6...they had to stop me.
Panel:Can you name the Sports journalist from IIM A?
Me:Yes Sir.Its Harsha Bhogle.
Panel:Can you name a few others?
Me:Yes Sir.Andrew Leci,John Dykes,Paul Masefield(named the entire Football focus panel).
Panel:[from their blank expression,came to realize that they hadnt heard even one]:So who is your favourite and why?
Me:Sir Paul Masefield because he is objective in his match analysis.
Panel:So you mean to say that a sports journalist should not be biased.
Me:Sir he can have his favourites like Liverpool in the case of Paul Masefield[hawa].But when he does an analysis and presents it to the people
watching the show or reading the article,he should be objective.
Panel:Who is the vice president of India?
Me:[that is like continuing a conversation in good flow]:Hamid Ansari(within a quarter of a sec.Reason being I had rattofied this in the morning)
Panel:Who is the President?
Me:[There are moments in ur life wen u are flabbergasted by simplicity.This was one of those...10 secs gone ...God please save me]
Panel:[in an uncontrollable fit of laughter]:This is fantastic.We had ased 3 ppl earlier the name of the vice president.Believe me nobody got it right.
But cmon.
Me:[Assholes wait]:Sir I now its a lady whose name starts with P[everybody including me is laughing by now]
after about 15 secs...Sir its Pratibha Patil.
Panel:[after controlling their fit]:Well we understand.It happens in the heat of the interview.
So you have been born and brought up in Nagpur.
Me:No Sir i have been born and brought up in Dhanbad.I did my 11th and 12th from Nagpur.
Panel:What is special about Dhanbad?
Me:told them about coal and my father being in Coal India Ltd
Panel:And what about Nagpur?
Me:[Here I would like to specially thank people like Kapil,Kartik,Madhur,Debu,Jagan,Ani...Nagpur was a unanimous favourite tourist destination amongst us]:
talked about oranges,Zero mile-center point of India etc etc
Panel:[interrupting]:So Nagpur is the apital of Maharashtra?
Me:[No you dumbass!! I just didnt knw the President answer]:No Sir.The capital is Mumbai.But Nagpur is also called the Winter Capital of Maharashtra because
the winter sessions of the parliament take place in Nagpur.
Panel:Parliament?
Me:Sorry Sir,Vidhan Sabha.
Though many of you would beg to differ,this was the good part of my interview.From here the old guy took over from the bald guy.
I somehow get the feeling that he had a predetermined opinion and bias against me.From here on,panel refers to him.
Panel:[taking a look at my mark sheets]:How does a refrigerator work?
Me:[took atleast 10 seconds to summon the courage]:Sir a refrigerator has a refrigerant which circulates and absorbs heat to produce the cooling effect.
Panel:[looked at me for some time...as if some bolt hit him.One of my friends says that probably that was too technical for him]:Can you name a few
refrigerants?
Me:[after pretending a lot to think]:Sir I cannot think of one at the moment.
Panel:[in shock]:OK..Can you tell us about a few properties a refrigerant should have?
Me:[Can I?Ofcourse I can.took abt 7-8 secs]Sir it should have a high latent heat of fusion because it has to absorb heat.
Panel:Which state is a refrigerant in?
Me:Sir in fluid state?
Panel:Why ...cant it be in gaseous state?
Me:[See you are as dumb as Iam]:Sir gas is also a fluid.
Panel:Are you sure?
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:[frustrated]...So what kind of materials a refrigerant can be...LPG?
Me:[Dont you understand I dont knw a thing abt this]:Yes Sir.
Panel:Ok.Do you own a bike?
Me:[Ppl who knw me wud tell u tat I have had a history with bikes and interviews.My knowledge in Automobiles is slightly less than my knowledge about
the fridge]:No Sir.
Panel:What?You have been woring for the last 28 months .How do you commute then?
Me:Sir shared auto.
Panel:[smiles]:Thats good.So you have ever SEEN a 2 wheeler?
Me:[resisted the temptation to say No Sir]:Yes Sir.
Panel:Have you heard of EMD or EFD or sthng...I dont remember wht he said...
Me:No Sir.
Panel:Ok.In a 2 wheeler what do u mix with petrol?
Me:[after a lot of thinking]:Sir,oil.
Panel:Why do we mix oil?
Me:[after further thought]:Sir for lubrication.
[I came to realize that it wasnt the smartest of answers]
Panel:Lubrication of what Apurva?
Me:Sir the piston and the cylinder.
Panel:[almost begging for mercy]:So you think that the entire petrol and the oil goes inside the cylinder.The cylinder would burst.
Me:[decided not to say anything else on the topic]
Panel:Apurva cmon you are a Mechanical Engineer from NIT Jamshedpur.
Me:[thoughts:That is the reason Sir]
Panel:Ok tell me which is your favourite subject.
Me:Sir Thermodynamics.
Panel:How many laws are there?
Me:Sir 4
Panel:Which are they?
Me:Sir 0th,1st,2nd and 3rd.
Panel:[Expeting a better answer]:Can you name them
Me:Started with 0th law.Thankfully knew it.
Panel:Can you give a practical example of it?
Me:Sorry Sir.Cant think of any at the moment.
Panel:Ok.First law.
Me:Told.
Panel:Application?
Me:Talked about turbines[God knows why].said Mechanical energy gets converted to kinetic energy.
Panel:Mechanical energy?
Me:Sir Potential energy to kinetic energy.Also talked about sthng like rotational energy somewhere.
Panel:What is rotational energy?
Me:Sir its a form of kinetic energy.
Panel:And Mechanical energy?
Me:Sir Potential Energy and Kinetic Energy are forms of Mechanical Energy.
Panel:Sure?
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:What are the types of turbines?
Me:[I wudnt have been able to answer that even in college]:Sorry Sir.I dont remember.
Panel:Apurva...NIT Jamshedpur...[sarcastically]??
Me:Sir Iam sorry but I just need to brush up a few things.I have lost touch in the last 2 years.
Panel:We are asking you very basic things which any mechanial engineer would know.And you are from an NIT [NOT AGAIN!!!]...You must have had these
Refrigeration labs.
Me:Sorry sir we didnt[Fuck!!!]
Panel:[Smiles]But there must be other labs.
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:Havent u heard of Kaplan Turbine,Francis Turbine...
Me:[as if I knew it all along]:Oh yes Sir.I just need to go through the concepts once.
Panel:Ok.What are you working on?
Me:Told them about Product Life Cycle management confidentally.
Panel:Can you show us the steps.
Me:Asked for a piece of paper and explained.Gave the example of an automobile industry.
Panel:Is it applicable only to an automobile industry?
Me:No Sir.It was just an example.
Panel:Can it be used in the software industry?
Me:Yes Sir.Explained the waterfall model.
Panel:Can you draw a graph about the Lifeycle of a product?
Me:[bewildered look]
Panel:Have you heard about the S curve?
Me:No Sir
Panel:You must have had a training before you started your project.And there must be documents.
Me:Yes Sir.But I didnt come across the S curve.
Panel:OK 1 last question.He had a mineral water bottle in front of him.He showed the recycling sign in it and asked me what it meant.
Me:[I didnt know the answer.I took a long time to think.Actually throughout the period I was thinking whether to curb my natural instinct or again say a
sorry sir.Ultimately I gave in]:Sir Iam not sure but I think it might be a symbol which shows the genuinity of the product.
Panel:After a long pause.Apurva you are good[really??] but you really need to work on your academics.If you were from some other college we wouldnt have
asked you all this.But you are from NIT Jamshedpur[ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL MAKE YOU ATTEND ONE OF THE LECTURES IN MY COLLEGE:A.K.JHA MAYBE].Thankyou.
Meanwhile I had been playing with a pencil and it had fallen right under the bald man's shoes.I took permission to take it.He asked how it reached there.
I felt like saying Destiny.I just said 'It fell down now sir'.I took it and left the room with the thought:if only he had been from my college.
I realised the latter when during my IIM Indore interview, I was torn apart,mutilated and made to curse the fact that I had
so much fun in college. Could have done with a little bit of studies or common sense as the panel often preferred to quote.
To start with I had a decent case study.The case was about 1 page on an A4 size paper.It was a long and boring story
about a village dude who started a business without any work experience and then got screwed due to various factors.
His family was a peculiar one with most of the names having a prefix Ram (with due respect). They epitomised collective
failure.I started the discussion and put in a few points here and there. For a change,this one was the most decent
of GDs I have ever attended(and I have attended a decent number;ppl wud knw :):)) in the sense that everyone got a
chance to speak.Nobody was ridiculed or cut short. Not even the guy who suggested that one of the long term solutions
for the farmer dude would be to produce hydroelectricity in the village using the nearby river water.I mean come on...give
the guy a break...he is already down with debts.We shouldnt be making fun of him.Anyway the GD was for about an hour
including the writing part.
I was called 4th by the interview panel.The 3 people before me were not asked a single academic question(remember the
stuff about the unfortunate lot).
I knocked and entered.Here is how it went.
Me: Sir,May I come in ?
Panel: Come in Apurva.Please close the door behind you.
Me:Yes Sir (closed the door very softly and entered.There were 2 people.One bald,tall and athletic.The second one
was more of the prof types).Goodmorning Sir(to each).
Panel:Goodmorning Apurva.Have a seat.
Me:Thankyou Sir.
Panel:So whats been happening?
Me:[Thoughts:What about the normal:Temme sthng abt urself stuff].Sir,we all have been actually waiting outside eagerly for our interviews.
Panel:(smiles):Oh yeah,so how is it outside?
Me:[Thoughts:So u really think we have been waiting!!!].Sir,as soon as somebody comes out of the interview,we ask him about his experience and the
questions that he was asked.
Panel:[laughs]:So what was the feedback till now?
Me:[smile]:Sir everyone feels that the panel is cool and they had a good time[as if!!!]
Panel:[laughs again]: So you want us to be hot now??
Me:[join the humour.Give a sheepish laugh]:Sir I would prefer you to be cool[all smiles]
Panel:So you are from NIT Jamshedpur.
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:Was it an NIT when you entered or REC?
Me:told him about the funda of RIT,REC and NIT...the older prof didnt get the concept.I explained properly.Infact the bald guy had to help out to
explain the older guy[plz note my bias against the old guy.It is justified as you wud come to knw towards the end of the experience].
Panel:Apurva you have used some business jargon in your form.Do you have some business connection?
Me:[I swear to God I dont know even an iota of business.And I had used none in the form which I had filled only on the night before.Maybe some jargon
in the case study].No Sir.
Panel:Business connection doesnt mean that you own a business.
Me:Yes Sir i understand.I have been with TCS for the last 2 and a half years and I have written a few documents like SRS[one thing that my college taught
me-hawa].I might have picked up the language from there.
Panel:So Apurva you have mentioned in the form that you would like to take up writing sports articles as an alternative career.
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:Can you name the sports magazine by Hindu publishers.
Me:[after some thought]:I dont know Sir.
Panel:Can you name a few sports magazines?
Me: named atleast 6...they had to stop me.
Panel:Can you name the Sports journalist from IIM A?
Me:Yes Sir.Its Harsha Bhogle.
Panel:Can you name a few others?
Me:Yes Sir.Andrew Leci,John Dykes,Paul Masefield(named the entire Football focus panel).
Panel:[from their blank expression,came to realize that they hadnt heard even one]:So who is your favourite and why?
Me:Sir Paul Masefield because he is objective in his match analysis.
Panel:So you mean to say that a sports journalist should not be biased.
Me:Sir he can have his favourites like Liverpool in the case of Paul Masefield[hawa].But when he does an analysis and presents it to the people
watching the show or reading the article,he should be objective.
Panel:Who is the vice president of India?
Me:[that is like continuing a conversation in good flow]:Hamid Ansari(within a quarter of a sec.Reason being I had rattofied this in the morning)
Panel:Who is the President?
Me:[There are moments in ur life wen u are flabbergasted by simplicity.This was one of those...10 secs gone ...God please save me]
Panel:[in an uncontrollable fit of laughter]:This is fantastic.We had ased 3 ppl earlier the name of the vice president.Believe me nobody got it right.
But cmon.
Me:[Assholes wait]:Sir I now its a lady whose name starts with P[everybody including me is laughing by now]
after about 15 secs...Sir its Pratibha Patil.
Panel:[after controlling their fit]:Well we understand.It happens in the heat of the interview.
So you have been born and brought up in Nagpur.
Me:No Sir i have been born and brought up in Dhanbad.I did my 11th and 12th from Nagpur.
Panel:What is special about Dhanbad?
Me:told them about coal and my father being in Coal India Ltd
Panel:And what about Nagpur?
Me:[Here I would like to specially thank people like Kapil,Kartik,Madhur,Debu,Jagan,Ani...Nagpur was a unanimous favourite tourist destination amongst us]:
talked about oranges,Zero mile-center point of India etc etc
Panel:[interrupting]:So Nagpur is the apital of Maharashtra?
Me:[No you dumbass!! I just didnt knw the President answer]:No Sir.The capital is Mumbai.But Nagpur is also called the Winter Capital of Maharashtra because
the winter sessions of the parliament take place in Nagpur.
Panel:Parliament?
Me:Sorry Sir,Vidhan Sabha.
Though many of you would beg to differ,this was the good part of my interview.From here the old guy took over from the bald guy.
I somehow get the feeling that he had a predetermined opinion and bias against me.From here on,panel refers to him.
Panel:[taking a look at my mark sheets]:How does a refrigerator work?
Me:[took atleast 10 seconds to summon the courage]:Sir a refrigerator has a refrigerant which circulates and absorbs heat to produce the cooling effect.
Panel:[looked at me for some time...as if some bolt hit him.One of my friends says that probably that was too technical for him]:Can you name a few
refrigerants?
Me:[after pretending a lot to think]:Sir I cannot think of one at the moment.
Panel:[in shock]:OK..Can you tell us about a few properties a refrigerant should have?
Me:[Can I?Ofcourse I can.took abt 7-8 secs]Sir it should have a high latent heat of fusion because it has to absorb heat.
Panel:Which state is a refrigerant in?
Me:Sir in fluid state?
Panel:Why ...cant it be in gaseous state?
Me:[See you are as dumb as Iam]:Sir gas is also a fluid.
Panel:Are you sure?
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:[frustrated]...So what kind of materials a refrigerant can be...LPG?
Me:[Dont you understand I dont knw a thing abt this]:Yes Sir.
Panel:Ok.Do you own a bike?
Me:[Ppl who knw me wud tell u tat I have had a history with bikes and interviews.My knowledge in Automobiles is slightly less than my knowledge about
the fridge]:No Sir.
Panel:What?You have been woring for the last 28 months .How do you commute then?
Me:Sir shared auto.
Panel:[smiles]:Thats good.So you have ever SEEN a 2 wheeler?
Me:[resisted the temptation to say No Sir]:Yes Sir.
Panel:Have you heard of EMD or EFD or sthng...I dont remember wht he said...
Me:No Sir.
Panel:Ok.In a 2 wheeler what do u mix with petrol?
Me:[after a lot of thinking]:Sir,oil.
Panel:Why do we mix oil?
Me:[after further thought]:Sir for lubrication.
[I came to realize that it wasnt the smartest of answers]
Panel:Lubrication of what Apurva?
Me:Sir the piston and the cylinder.
Panel:[almost begging for mercy]:So you think that the entire petrol and the oil goes inside the cylinder.The cylinder would burst.
Me:[decided not to say anything else on the topic]
Panel:Apurva cmon you are a Mechanical Engineer from NIT Jamshedpur.
Me:[thoughts:That is the reason Sir]
Panel:Ok tell me which is your favourite subject.
Me:Sir Thermodynamics.
Panel:How many laws are there?
Me:Sir 4
Panel:Which are they?
Me:Sir 0th,1st,2nd and 3rd.
Panel:[Expeting a better answer]:Can you name them
Me:Started with 0th law.Thankfully knew it.
Panel:Can you give a practical example of it?
Me:Sorry Sir.Cant think of any at the moment.
Panel:Ok.First law.
Me:Told.
Panel:Application?
Me:Talked about turbines[God knows why].said Mechanical energy gets converted to kinetic energy.
Panel:Mechanical energy?
Me:Sir Potential energy to kinetic energy.Also talked about sthng like rotational energy somewhere.
Panel:What is rotational energy?
Me:Sir its a form of kinetic energy.
Panel:And Mechanical energy?
Me:Sir Potential Energy and Kinetic Energy are forms of Mechanical Energy.
Panel:Sure?
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:What are the types of turbines?
Me:[I wudnt have been able to answer that even in college]:Sorry Sir.I dont remember.
Panel:Apurva...NIT Jamshedpur...[sarcastically]??
Me:Sir Iam sorry but I just need to brush up a few things.I have lost touch in the last 2 years.
Panel:We are asking you very basic things which any mechanial engineer would know.And you are from an NIT [NOT AGAIN!!!]...You must have had these
Refrigeration labs.
Me:Sorry sir we didnt[Fuck!!!]
Panel:[Smiles]But there must be other labs.
Me:Yes Sir.
Panel:Havent u heard of Kaplan Turbine,Francis Turbine...
Me:[as if I knew it all along]:Oh yes Sir.I just need to go through the concepts once.
Panel:Ok.What are you working on?
Me:Told them about Product Life Cycle management confidentally.
Panel:Can you show us the steps.
Me:Asked for a piece of paper and explained.Gave the example of an automobile industry.
Panel:Is it applicable only to an automobile industry?
Me:No Sir.It was just an example.
Panel:Can it be used in the software industry?
Me:Yes Sir.Explained the waterfall model.
Panel:Can you draw a graph about the Lifeycle of a product?
Me:[bewildered look]
Panel:Have you heard about the S curve?
Me:No Sir
Panel:You must have had a training before you started your project.And there must be documents.
Me:Yes Sir.But I didnt come across the S curve.
Panel:OK 1 last question.He had a mineral water bottle in front of him.He showed the recycling sign in it and asked me what it meant.
Me:[I didnt know the answer.I took a long time to think.Actually throughout the period I was thinking whether to curb my natural instinct or again say a
sorry sir.Ultimately I gave in]:Sir Iam not sure but I think it might be a symbol which shows the genuinity of the product.
Panel:After a long pause.Apurva you are good[really??] but you really need to work on your academics.If you were from some other college we wouldnt have
asked you all this.But you are from NIT Jamshedpur[ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL MAKE YOU ATTEND ONE OF THE LECTURES IN MY COLLEGE:A.K.JHA MAYBE].Thankyou.
Meanwhile I had been playing with a pencil and it had fallen right under the bald man's shoes.I took permission to take it.He asked how it reached there.
I felt like saying Destiny.I just said 'It fell down now sir'.I took it and left the room with the thought:if only he had been from my college.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Of Colds and parasites and a little bit of grey matter.
Sometimes we let our intellect do the talking...One of those days when I had a chat with one of my friends Sandy...
To the unintiated these are two people well into their 20's and working in a software firm.Infact the chat takes
place in the office.It started with her comment on my status message:"Why so serious"
'She' is sandy and 'me' is me(just to give u a taste of what to expect).
She: im not serious
:D
im having a bad cold
:(
me: so u have a serious cold?
:)
she: :D yes
;D
me: so u r serious
:D
she: no my cold is serious
hee hee
me: but the cold is urs
she: no the cold is not mine
its a parasite which has taken control over my nose without my
permission and is doing me harm
me: so the parasite is not urs
she: no its not mine
me: but it has given u sthng which is urs
the cold
she: no, it has given me something of its own
me: the parasite didnt get the cold ryt?
agrees
she: the cold is the parasite's, not mine
me: agreed
but now tat belongs to u
so it has become urs
she: no it does not belong to me
me: so sandhya has 'caught cold'
she: chan dinon ka mehmaan hai bas
me: the parasite hasnt 'caught cold'
she: its not mine forvere
me: yeah but for the moment it is urs
she: that parasite created the cold
so ideally the cold is the parasite's child
:D
no its not mine even now
it will always be the parasite's
me: u contradicting urself
even if smbdy has a child
she: no im not, dont try to confuse me
me: the child can be adopted by smbdy else
nd then it belongs to tat smbdy else
she: ive not adopted it
the parasite is using his won child to harm me
there is no question of adption or belonging here
me: u r possessed by tat cold at the moment nd so unable to think logically
the cold is urs
and u r the cold's
she: ITS NOT
me: after some time there will be another cold child
nd that child cold will catch smbdy else
and possess tat person
u have become a terror for the society
u shud be put behind the bars
:D
she: nahi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: see
she: yeah but atleast I'M not serious
my cold is
me: u r shouting abnormally
she: i finally proved my point, no matter what you say
me: ok temme sthng
she: hmmm
me: i'll just copy paste ur last chat
she: why?????????
me: my cold is, i finally proved my point, no matter what you say
u said 'my cold'
she: crap, arre yaar, thats a mistake
me: so point proved
she: i swear
i was typing something else to plessy, im chatting with her
to wo my wahan se aaya hai
yaar
its not proved
me: point proved
she: typo's do not prove anything
no ITS NOT
me: mistake or nomistake
my
Adjective1. of, belonging to, or associated with the speaker or writer (me):
brb, call
And there it ended with me going to attend a call.
To the unintiated these are two people well into their 20's and working in a software firm.Infact the chat takes
place in the office.It started with her comment on my status message:"Why so serious"
'She' is sandy and 'me' is me(just to give u a taste of what to expect).
She: im not serious
:D
im having a bad cold
:(
me: so u have a serious cold?
:)
she: :D yes
;D
me: so u r serious
:D
she: no my cold is serious
hee hee
me: but the cold is urs
she: no the cold is not mine
its a parasite which has taken control over my nose without my
permission and is doing me harm
me: so the parasite is not urs
she: no its not mine
me: but it has given u sthng which is urs
the cold
she: no, it has given me something of its own
me: the parasite didnt get the cold ryt?
agrees
she: the cold is the parasite's, not mine
me: agreed
but now tat belongs to u
so it has become urs
she: no it does not belong to me
me: so sandhya has 'caught cold'
she: chan dinon ka mehmaan hai bas
me: the parasite hasnt 'caught cold'
she: its not mine forvere
me: yeah but for the moment it is urs
she: that parasite created the cold
so ideally the cold is the parasite's child
:D
no its not mine even now
it will always be the parasite's
me: u contradicting urself
even if smbdy has a child
she: no im not, dont try to confuse me
me: the child can be adopted by smbdy else
nd then it belongs to tat smbdy else
she: ive not adopted it
the parasite is using his won child to harm me
there is no question of adption or belonging here
me: u r possessed by tat cold at the moment nd so unable to think logically
the cold is urs
and u r the cold's
she: ITS NOT
me: after some time there will be another cold child
nd that child cold will catch smbdy else
and possess tat person
u have become a terror for the society
u shud be put behind the bars
:D
she: nahi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: see
she: yeah but atleast I'M not serious
my cold is
me: u r shouting abnormally
she: i finally proved my point, no matter what you say
me: ok temme sthng
she: hmmm
me: i'll just copy paste ur last chat
she: why?????????
me: my cold is, i finally proved my point, no matter what you say
u said 'my cold'
she: crap, arre yaar, thats a mistake
me: so point proved
she: i swear
i was typing something else to plessy, im chatting with her
to wo my wahan se aaya hai
yaar
its not proved
me: point proved
she: typo's do not prove anything
no ITS NOT
me: mistake or nomistake
my
Adjective1. of, belonging to, or associated with the speaker or writer (me):
brb, call
And there it ended with me going to attend a call.
Monday, February 19, 2007
And then she kissed me...
This was the creative writing contest I participated in college...we had to end our writing with the line:And then she kissed me...
What was wrong with a platonic relationship anyways?Was it chic to have a physical relationship with a female just to prove that chauvinistic idea called manliness?
"Of course!Boy you are in Harvard now and look at you.When would you Indians come out of your conservatism??You friggin' hypocrites talk about culture and tradition,you keep your daughters and sisters locked in kitchens and when it comes to population,you are number one in the world!"
"Check your general knowledge dude.We are the second most populated country and not the first",I sueaked in utter vain,trying to hide my frustration.
"There goes the mama's boy again...lets move guys before he freaks out yet again.You are not coming for the ball tonight Bharat,are you?...oh,Iam sorry...stag entries not allowed..."
'Out of place' would fall miles short of what I felt at that moment.I felt I was living with aliens.And even after two years of survival in the place,the tempting thought just hit me again: "Bharat,just leave everything and go back to the country you belong to,the country where tradition lives on...where tradition does not hinder progress..." But then this was not the first time I had to fight such temptation.Blessed with the virtue of determination, I had lived on.
The taunts had become a part of my life.But somehow I was being overwhelmed.Overwhelmed by what people call peer pressure.
Next day again,and the day after that yet again,and the week after...I felt I was suffering with aboulia.The peer pressure was forcing me to yield;the taunts,the sarcasms ,the hootings were all playing their part...It started affecting my studies.From a respectable B grade,I merely managed to pass my exams this time around.
And the day had to come."To hell with the principles!",I said to myself....
I set out in search of a brothel.
"You mean a red light area?" ,the cab driver enquired,giving me an amused stare from top to bottom.It reminded me of the question I had failed to answer during my interview for Harvard-Your most embarrasing moment...
I looked down and nodded.The cab sped on and so did my thoughts.The turmoil had caught me like a whirlpool.But I wasnt the same person.I had faced enough."A minor wrong for a major good",I said to myself.
I was woken up by the sudden brake at the traffic signal.The red light was a harbinger of things to come.
"Which category do you want-A,B,C or D?",the man repeated in an irritated way...
"Uh-oh...C will do...",I murmured.
"Seventy five."
I placed seventy five dollars in front of the stout,bespectacled man and went in,guided by a scantily dressed female.I was shivering by then.
She left me deserted in front of a door."You have two hours from now".I was red- can't describe it;fear,anguish,anticipation,embarrasment...words dont suffice.
I knocked.Nobody answered.The door wasn't bolted.I realized that this ain't my teacher's chamber.This was a place where man came after leaving behind his principles and etiquettes.I opened the door and went in.
There stood in front of a cracked mirror a woman,barely twenty...But face wrinkled,body zonked.Fairly attractive she was.But I could'nt summon the courage.
"Where would you like to start with?",she asked in a matter of fact manner.
"What?",I stuttered.
"Is it your first time?"
"Ummm...nop...ofcourse not",I lied.
For the first time she looked up at me.She had beautiful eyes.She stared at me just like a professional murderer would look at a pickpocket.But she never smiled.
"Are you an Asian?"
"Yes",I answered.
"So its your so called friends"
I just stared at her , flabbergasted.
"Do you think you really wanna do this?"
"Ofcourse",I disguised myself in a much better way this time.
She waited for a few seconds as if waiting for me to confess but I did not budge.
"Then go ahead" and she started undressing.
My hearbeat grew fast,faster...Twenty one years it had been.I had upheld the integrity of my nation,my family,my values.And all this was about to be destroyed in a matter of few seconds.
"No stop!",I unconsciously yelled.
"I dont want to do this",I confessed.I looked down, absolutely down.This certainly was it-the most embarrasing moment.
"What is your name?",she asked.
"Bharat"
"Bharat listen to me carefully.You belong to a country they used to call the golden bird,the country which gave birth to great people.Yudhisthira,wasnt he,the eldest of the Pandavas.Iam sure you know about your epics.You should be proud of your culture,your principles.You dont change the meaning of right or wrong simply because other people tell you to do so.This isnt a place like your nation-where families are closely knit throughout their lives.This isnt the place where females are worshipped.This isnt the place where marriages are holy.Remember what you stand for,why your parents sent you to this place,think about their hopes and aspirations.Even Iam a female before Iam a prostitute."
"What is your name",I asked.
"Gita"
In the deafening silence,I stood their absolutely still.
And then she kissed me...
What was wrong with a platonic relationship anyways?Was it chic to have a physical relationship with a female just to prove that chauvinistic idea called manliness?
"Of course!Boy you are in Harvard now and look at you.When would you Indians come out of your conservatism??You friggin' hypocrites talk about culture and tradition,you keep your daughters and sisters locked in kitchens and when it comes to population,you are number one in the world!"
"Check your general knowledge dude.We are the second most populated country and not the first",I sueaked in utter vain,trying to hide my frustration.
"There goes the mama's boy again...lets move guys before he freaks out yet again.You are not coming for the ball tonight Bharat,are you?...oh,Iam sorry...stag entries not allowed..."
'Out of place' would fall miles short of what I felt at that moment.I felt I was living with aliens.And even after two years of survival in the place,the tempting thought just hit me again: "Bharat,just leave everything and go back to the country you belong to,the country where tradition lives on...where tradition does not hinder progress..." But then this was not the first time I had to fight such temptation.Blessed with the virtue of determination, I had lived on.
The taunts had become a part of my life.But somehow I was being overwhelmed.Overwhelmed by what people call peer pressure.
Next day again,and the day after that yet again,and the week after...I felt I was suffering with aboulia.The peer pressure was forcing me to yield;the taunts,the sarcasms ,the hootings were all playing their part...It started affecting my studies.From a respectable B grade,I merely managed to pass my exams this time around.
And the day had to come."To hell with the principles!",I said to myself....
I set out in search of a brothel.
"You mean a red light area?" ,the cab driver enquired,giving me an amused stare from top to bottom.It reminded me of the question I had failed to answer during my interview for Harvard-Your most embarrasing moment...
I looked down and nodded.The cab sped on and so did my thoughts.The turmoil had caught me like a whirlpool.But I wasnt the same person.I had faced enough."A minor wrong for a major good",I said to myself.
I was woken up by the sudden brake at the traffic signal.The red light was a harbinger of things to come.
"Which category do you want-A,B,C or D?",the man repeated in an irritated way...
"Uh-oh...C will do...",I murmured.
"Seventy five."
I placed seventy five dollars in front of the stout,bespectacled man and went in,guided by a scantily dressed female.I was shivering by then.
She left me deserted in front of a door."You have two hours from now".I was red- can't describe it;fear,anguish,anticipation,embarrasment...words dont suffice.
I knocked.Nobody answered.The door wasn't bolted.I realized that this ain't my teacher's chamber.This was a place where man came after leaving behind his principles and etiquettes.I opened the door and went in.
There stood in front of a cracked mirror a woman,barely twenty...But face wrinkled,body zonked.Fairly attractive she was.But I could'nt summon the courage.
"Where would you like to start with?",she asked in a matter of fact manner.
"What?",I stuttered.
"Is it your first time?"
"Ummm...nop...ofcourse not",I lied.
For the first time she looked up at me.She had beautiful eyes.She stared at me just like a professional murderer would look at a pickpocket.But she never smiled.
"Are you an Asian?"
"Yes",I answered.
"So its your so called friends"
I just stared at her , flabbergasted.
"Do you think you really wanna do this?"
"Ofcourse",I disguised myself in a much better way this time.
She waited for a few seconds as if waiting for me to confess but I did not budge.
"Then go ahead" and she started undressing.
My hearbeat grew fast,faster...Twenty one years it had been.I had upheld the integrity of my nation,my family,my values.And all this was about to be destroyed in a matter of few seconds.
"No stop!",I unconsciously yelled.
"I dont want to do this",I confessed.I looked down, absolutely down.This certainly was it-the most embarrasing moment.
"What is your name?",she asked.
"Bharat"
"Bharat listen to me carefully.You belong to a country they used to call the golden bird,the country which gave birth to great people.Yudhisthira,wasnt he,the eldest of the Pandavas.Iam sure you know about your epics.You should be proud of your culture,your principles.You dont change the meaning of right or wrong simply because other people tell you to do so.This isnt a place like your nation-where families are closely knit throughout their lives.This isnt the place where females are worshipped.This isnt the place where marriages are holy.Remember what you stand for,why your parents sent you to this place,think about their hopes and aspirations.Even Iam a female before Iam a prostitute."
"What is your name",I asked.
"Gita"
In the deafening silence,I stood their absolutely still.
And then she kissed me...
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